Monday, October 10, 2011

My struggle with weight

Since I could remember, I was always the fat girl. I came into this world weighing 8lbs and ever since my first cry - I was overweight.

I didn't mind this when I was growing up, I was considered cute and cuddly. My mom's officemate refer to me as Patsie. They get to feed me when I go to my mama's office and since I don't like to play games with the other kids, being fat was no big deal. I just wanted to eat and watch TV :).

Trouble began when I entered high school. Fat is no longer cute. In fact, my classmates ridicule me and boys on the street point to me and call me "baboy". My revenge then was studying. I would read my books and do my homework since I don't have the sense of belonging with my thin classmates.

When I began college, I stopped eating. Well, I ate but I restricted it so that I could become thin. It worked, my weight went down to 145 lbs. I was accepted and always praised since "seksi ka na ngayon".

I was so hungry that I couldn't concentrate on my studies. Looking back, I could gotten a medal in college if I just ate. :( But that was then.

During my young adult life, I continued this cycle.

When I met my partner, I regained my love for food. My new mantra was, "Food is my friend..." Thus, I became a more relaxed eater and I get to eat other types of food other than chocolates and coffee. :) I was happy and free.

But then, I get to weigh myself, and I saw the dreaded 3 digit figure. 190 lbs! 10 lbs shy of reaching 200 lbs. Needless to say, I panicked.

I am thinking about it now. Why did I react that way? I think there's still that psychological thing about being thin. Looking at shows like "The biggest loser", also may have affected our view of what is healthy.

I guess, more than the aesthetics, it's now my health. I am in my mid 30's and I am not getting any younger. Coupled with my love for smoking (yes, I didn't quit), I would want to live a longer life (more than 10 years more I hope).

And so, I find myself where I was almost 16 years ago. Counting calories, avoiding food and controlling what I put in my mouth. But being older, I am wiser on what I should do.

This is not a race, this is life. I need to relax and just go with the flow to achieve happiness and health. I should embrace the healthy lifestyle not because society dictates it to me but rather because I must work to add more years to my life.

So, armed with a calorie counter and my stepper, I should perserver and live each day with awareness. Moderation is the key and I should strive to balance my desire for good food and good health. This may be hard but I have my supportive friends who push me to be better.

Amen? AMEN! (p.s. I still think that our weighing scale is broken... ;))


Dahon said...

When I come home, let's trail hike! :)

And you're not fat Anto, you're just unhealthy with that smoking thing. Can't believe you haven't given it up (yes, I'm judging because I'm right hehe!) The only time me and the government agree about smoking.

Acid Burn said...

appear dre! let's eat healthy. i am also on the same dilemma -- but more on i want a healthier body rather than being skinny. why starve to death? wehehe! plus points na lang ang pagpayat =)