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Turned 40... Now what?

September 28, 2018 - I officially turned 40.  I guess I just want to write something about this event in my life so I could look back on what were my thoughts and probably when I turn 50 (or older), laugh at my silliness. 


Leading up to this day, I was quite excited. Months before, I would try to plan how I am going to celebrate this day with friends. It's a milestone age. I should be thankful that I reached this age in good health, and with my sanity intact. But then, as the days draw nearer I felt a crippling sadness. I tried to google my way to find some answers on why I felt this sudden rush of panic and anxiety as the reality of turning 40 was dawning on me.  And I found out that I was not alone. 

What made me sad all of a sudden? Well, many thoughts flooded my brain. Firstly, my career.  I realised I had to think of my next move. I have shifted to a less technical role and this is not something I am really good at. Business analysis is somewhat new to me. My comfort zone was t…
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Hello, it's me!

It's been awhile since I have shared something on this space about my thoughts and my life. Well, where do I start? Maybe just like an old good friend, I will try to give you some highlights on the past years when I was not blogging.

The biggest thing that happened to me so far was I got my Australian citizenship. I know right? I know that it may not be a big deal to others but for me, this is something that I have tried to work on for the past 5 years.  My kababayans might say that I am ungrateful, but we cannot discount the fact that with a blue passport from a country like Australia, I can travel to many countries - visa free without immigration officers trying to catch my eye and check if I am planning to do something illegal on their country.

No offense, but every time I stand on the immigration line going into another country, my heart always work double/triple time because I am too anxious to be deported back to my country even if I know that I have the proper visa.

Aside …
The year that was

My blog has now been limited to being a summary of the year that passed. When I was younger, I will blog almost everyday. I am not sure if this is because I have more varied experiences when I was younger or if I have stopped growing since I am contented now with my life.

This year has thought me a lot of things. Especially, the last part of it. This is the year that I was closer to feeling mortal.

The highlight of my year was finding out that a friend has died. This friend is only a year older than I am and he was very much involved with the part of my life when I was searching for who I was and for my life's partner.

But as the years passed and priorities changed, I was not able to interact with him. We lost touch but that is life. We meet people along the journey who we need at that moment of our lives. He was a fixture on that time frame and I was lucky to have him as one of my kindred spirits.

Hearing of his death made me realized that this life is really sh…
Baby boom

The first time we settled here in Melbourne we got to know a lot of fellow Pinoys who are living on a different environment. We joined them in making Australia our second home. In each gathering, we try to get to know them better and reconnect.

We didn't know how it happened. But after 2 years, suddenly each couple had their own babies. Don't get me wrong, babies are cute but it was just surprising to note that parties suddenly turn into an event similar to family reunions back home.

Instead of blood relatives, you get to see friends and their kids grown before your eyes. It's not the gray hair that makes me feel old.  It's the babies and kids that are now walking and developing into little adults.

I can't complain. For some reason, it is good for now, to look and enjoy kids from afar. It's fun to carry them for a few minutes compared to living with a baby 24/7. It must be hard. I really commend couples with kids and having to work for a living at th…
The Lesbian Lifestyle

It's been about eight (8) years since I came out as a lesbian. So much has changed since then. I never in my wildest dream thought that I will be with someone who loves me as much as my partner does and I never realized that I am capable of so much love.

I gained more than 50 pounds. You'll never realize it but the weight creeps in. It seems to be proportional to the amount of happiness you're gaining. Thus, if weight is the price I need to pay for being happy so be it! I would rather be plump and gay than thin and grumpy. :)

All of my friends are straight women and gay guys. I have a few lesbian friends (about 3 I think) and that's it. Not having enough lesbian friends is not a major problem for me since I don't think I fit into the lesbian lifestyle.

1.) I am not a radical feminist.
2.) I don't really think that all men are evil (ok some are but we also have evil women :)).
3.) I like green jokes and other politically incorrect jokes as …
Change is a must

I saw this post from a friend and I completely agree with this one.

"Why do we go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And then people see you differently. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving"

We long for home when we are away and we get to realize how happy little moments, celebrations were. When you come home, you enjoy each moment with magnified happiness proportionate to the amount of time you were gone. You also are more thankful of the people who matter the most. It's realizing their value from afar.

This is what life taught me and I am grateful.

AMEN? Amen!