Skip to main content
Realizations

My ultimate goal is self actualization and I've found out that there are still many things that I have buried deep down about myself (yes, this post is about myself so you can skip this blog if you're not my fan..wehehehe).

- I was not competitive before because I am afraid of hurting the feelings of my opponents. Imagine if I was a warrior in Troy, I'll be long dead before the actual combat. When I was a kid, I really liked to win. I liked to win in nintendo games, arguments, etc. But when I was playing with my younger brother, he will always cry when he loses. So, to keep the peace, I always have him win. I think it became a vicious cycle.

I didn't have the 'killer' instinct during competitions because for me what was important is to keep the peace and to make my opponents happy.

Now, I am a changed woman. I realized that when I don't give my all in a competition I am also depriving my opponents of a worthwhile game. Everybody wins if I let my competitive spirit reign. Even if I lose, what's important is I gave it my all. I-todoh mo na!

- I fall in love with people I can't have. I have a fascination with unrequited love because for me, that's more romantic. I get scared when it's the real thing. I have this inate fear of manly men (I am still not sure why). So, that explains my fondness for younger men or men who looks harmless in general (gays, closet queens, eskaparate queens (queens who are hiding but everyone can see them because an eskaparate is made of glass cases).

Oh well, life goes on...

Musings for the week:


"The way to tap into that value is to stop focusing on what has happened and start focusing on what you can do. Even if the whole world seems to be against you, there is something of value that you have to contribute.

Forget about trying to figure out what is fair or unfair. Let go of your need to make judgments about what life has handed you.

Comments

Porsh said…
"Forget about trying to figure out what is fair or unfair. Let go of your need to make judgments about what life has handed you."

great timing for posting this thought.

And eskaparate queen! So that's what they're called... Off the top of my head, I can name at least three hehehe.

And the word verification I need to type to post this comment contains the word "fag" hehehe.
Neth said…
sige nga.. name them! hahaha =p joke...

thanks porsh for passing by me humble blog..
Anonymous said…
Hey, I stumbled on the this thing by total mistake, but the first line jumped out at me, because I thought that I myself might have written it! "Self-actualization." It sounds like you feel much the same way I do. Well, I can see this thing is old, but I really sorta connected to it, and I thought I'd ought to say something.

My name's Eisley btw; if you'd like to chat sometime, my email is constantine.constantine@gmail.com. I'm not a "queer" or a "closet queen," but I'm a pretty laid back kinda guy lol. I think we'd have a a good deal of stuff to talk about.

Welp thats all. Cya roun' m8!

Popular posts from this blog

Hello, it's me!

It's been awhile since I have shared something on this space about my thoughts and my life. Well, where do I start? Maybe just like an old good friend, I will try to give you some highlights on the past years when I was not blogging.

The biggest thing that happened to me so far was I got my Australian citizenship. I know right? I know that it may not be a big deal to others but for me, this is something that I have tried to work on for the past 5 years.  My kababayans might say that I am ungrateful, but we cannot discount the fact that with a blue passport from a country like Australia, I can travel to many countries - visa free without immigration officers trying to catch my eye and check if I am planning to do something illegal on their country.

No offense, but every time I stand on the immigration line going into another country, my heart always work double/triple time because I am too anxious to be deported back to my country even if I know that I have the proper visa.

Aside …
The Lesbian Lifestyle

It's been about eight (8) years since I came out as a lesbian. So much has changed since then. I never in my wildest dream thought that I will be with someone who loves me as much as my partner does and I never realized that I am capable of so much love.

I gained more than 50 pounds. You'll never realize it but the weight creeps in. It seems to be proportional to the amount of happiness you're gaining. Thus, if weight is the price I need to pay for being happy so be it! I would rather be plump and gay than thin and grumpy. :)

All of my friends are straight women and gay guys. I have a few lesbian friends (about 3 I think) and that's it. Not having enough lesbian friends is not a major problem for me since I don't think I fit into the lesbian lifestyle.

1.) I am not a radical feminist.
2.) I don't really think that all men are evil (ok some are but we also have evil women :)).
3.) I like green jokes and other politically incorrect jokes as …
The newest Gay Icon - lady Gaga


After Amy Winehouse, we have a new gay icon in Lady Gaga (aka Christina Galera) in tangga.



Find Alma Moreno-neque dance moves! :)

Enjoy!