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Realizations

My ultimate goal is self actualization and I've found out that there are still many things that I have buried deep down about myself (yes, this post is about myself so you can skip this blog if you're not my fan..wehehehe).

- I was not competitive before because I am afraid of hurting the feelings of my opponents. Imagine if I was a warrior in Troy, I'll be long dead before the actual combat. When I was a kid, I really liked to win. I liked to win in nintendo games, arguments, etc. But when I was playing with my younger brother, he will always cry when he loses. So, to keep the peace, I always have him win. I think it became a vicious cycle.

I didn't have the 'killer' instinct during competitions because for me what was important is to keep the peace and to make my opponents happy.

Now, I am a changed woman. I realized that when I don't give my all in a competition I am also depriving my opponents of a worthwhile game. Everybody wins if I let my competitive spirit reign. Even if I lose, what's important is I gave it my all. I-todoh mo na!

- I fall in love with people I can't have. I have a fascination with unrequited love because for me, that's more romantic. I get scared when it's the real thing. I have this inate fear of manly men (I am still not sure why). So, that explains my fondness for younger men or men who looks harmless in general (gays, closet queens, eskaparate queens (queens who are hiding but everyone can see them because an eskaparate is made of glass cases).

Oh well, life goes on...

Musings for the week:


"The way to tap into that value is to stop focusing on what has happened and start focusing on what you can do. Even if the whole world seems to be against you, there is something of value that you have to contribute.

Forget about trying to figure out what is fair or unfair. Let go of your need to make judgments about what life has handed you.

Comments

Porsh said…
"Forget about trying to figure out what is fair or unfair. Let go of your need to make judgments about what life has handed you."

great timing for posting this thought.

And eskaparate queen! So that's what they're called... Off the top of my head, I can name at least three hehehe.

And the word verification I need to type to post this comment contains the word "fag" hehehe.
Neth said…
sige nga.. name them! hahaha =p joke...

thanks porsh for passing by me humble blog..
Anonymous said…
Hey, I stumbled on the this thing by total mistake, but the first line jumped out at me, because I thought that I myself might have written it! "Self-actualization." It sounds like you feel much the same way I do. Well, I can see this thing is old, but I really sorta connected to it, and I thought I'd ought to say something.

My name's Eisley btw; if you'd like to chat sometime, my email is constantine.constantine@gmail.com. I'm not a "queer" or a "closet queen," but I'm a pretty laid back kinda guy lol. I think we'd have a a good deal of stuff to talk about.

Welp thats all. Cya roun' m8!

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