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Tomorrow is father's day and of course, there's this feeling of guilt again at the side of my psyche. Why? Because I am not sure if I know my father and what creeps me is that I don't know if I love him. Of course, I love him as my father (you would think I am bad if I said that I don't love him)... but how can I express it... I don't know if I have fond feelings for him. That's it... background music.. "I don't know how to love him.."

His presence in my life is a blur, all I can clearly remember was the time he taught me how to ride a bike. Other than that, he's just like a favourite uncle who I get to see once a month for the last 18 years. Imagine the unsettling feeling when I get to see him every week when I go home to the province.

Enough of that, there are things that we should slowly get use to, I guess this is one of those. And I found out that this sentiment cannot be understood by everyone, "isa itong kwentong pamilyang OFW".

For those who are reading this and have a family of their own. Remember that family time is very important. Even if you made up for the lost years when you're children were growing up by being with them when they're all grown up... don't call them ingrato, but the first ten years of a child's life is really important. If they didn't bond you with you then it will be difficult to establish it.

I have lived with the fact that my heart is far from my father, I couldn't say if we're ever going to fix it. I have my issues to resolve but I think deep inside I love him but I really can't show it. This is my baggage... what rocks me?... will I carry this to my next lifetime?

I can't say this infront of you but ... Happy Father's Day! I love you even though I thought you are different from the man I once knew.

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