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Selfish Random thoughts for 2005...

It's the year 2005... whew! Another year has passed and for me... I guess it's time to sit back and think about the year that was. What can I say about this year? What lessons have I learned? What grownup thing did I do and acquire? This year was a mouthful for all. I get to learn more things about me... accept things that I cannot control and just be...

First, just some random thoughts...

1.) I love running. This year I came to realize that I haven't done much running physically but I have done much running in many aspects of my life... from realities I cannot accept... I can't even read a part of a book or a movie with a confrontation in it. That I guess explains my escapist tendencies.. if I could run.. I would... Is it because I really can't face harshness or something that is breaks the harmony in my world?

2.) I love my friends and family. I can't live without them... for this year... I think I have neglected them... especially my friends. My best friend, once was hurrying to be with his friend.. and I've said,"It's late... you must be going home." Then he told me... "When I was down and lonely he was always there for me .. so I want to be with him right now when he needs me." Ouch.. I know he just said it as a matter of fact. But I thought... I should be the one that he runs to when he's done and forlorn. I am here.. and then I thought of the times when I wasn't there because of some work I have to do... and I thought... Is the work really worth it?

3.) I need change. I hope this year is full of it.

4.) I love gay people. I do! I don't know... I am the ultimate faghag. I think I have a weird affinity with them. They're just one of the most beautiful people both inside and out. They're real and that's what matters.

5.) I think I am stagnating intellectually and spiritually. I must read more and get in touch with my soul. I try to read but not as much as I want to.

I just wish that I could find meaning in my life and not just watch as they years whiz by me. I do hope this year will help me in the realization that there is more to life than work and that there's still hope that everything will turn out alright.


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